My project this week is to become aware of my passive aggressive behavior and attempt to minimize it as much as I can. I dislike passive aggressiveness immensely.
Instead of saying "no" to someone, you say "yes" then fuck up whatever you agreed to because in your mind it's easier to do.
A person disagrees with you, but they can't tell you directly, so they bitch about you to a third party. Then that third party tells you, and you get all pissed off, "He should say that to my face! I ought to go tell him some shit!" But you don't...you instead bitch about it back to the third party or to someone else. You respond to passive aggressiveness with passive aggressiveness. (And you know, fuck the third party for getting involved and stirring up shit, too.)
Also, being insulting and brutal online (looking at you, Facebook) is passive aggressive. We are all so brave at home when our target is not in the room.
Oh, and hell yes I'm guilty of these actions. We tend to despise behaviors in others that we ourselves do as well...it's why we can spot them in others so easily.
So, how do I combat this behavior? I think self-awareness is always a big first step. Try to be mindful of moments where I fear telling someone exactly how I feel. If I need to communicate something to another person, I need to just do it directly. Avoid gossip and shit-talking behind someone's back.
Or, just let it go. I don't know about you, but sometimes I forget that I don't have to express every dumb thought in my head or every feeling. Seriously, if I don't want to tell somebody what I think about them, maybe I don't tell anybody else either. Gossip and slander is poison.
My old defense against passive aggressive behavior was to become intoxicated and then be overtly up front with people. This rarely had positive results, regardless of what my foggy memory is of these moments. Apparently, my memory of these incidents differs greatly from others around me who were not as drunk. But who are you gonna believe...
But I do like the idea of being upfront with people. I will try to think, before I add a comment on some dumb shit on Facebook, "Would I say this if we were face to face?"
And above all, I will try to maintain my self-confidence and remember that I don't care what others think. I can express how I feel without fear of rejection or judgment.
