I Will Still Be Thirty-Something

My birthday is today (Friday). Turning 37 is not very spectacular, but after it pasts I'll be closer to 40 than to 35/mid-thirties.

I'm not afraid of turning 40 because of the age. "You're over the hill" can suck it, I don't care. It's more about my accomplishments or lack thereof. One thing I recommend not doing is comparing yourself to your parents. "When my dad was my age, he was blah and had already blah blah blah with two kids and blah..." It's depressing. Don't do it. (Unless your parents were fuck-ups, then go for it.)

Most people my age have a family, a primary care physician that is checking their prostate on a regular basis and a job that has them looking ahead towards possible retirement. I've just started an entry-level job that is part time. I've moved into a room in a house of a couple I know...I'm doing a lot of things that are very 19-to-22ish. But you know...not everyone gets a chance like this to start again. I'm very fortunate. It takes being without certain things everyone takes for granted for a few months to really appreciate your own space...your own bed...your privacy.

We'll see what happens in the next year...Happy birthday to me.

It's Been Time, Asshole

I've been staying with my friend on her couch for 3 months now. Alot has happened, both good and bad, but I'm moving this week to my own room...my own space. Granted, I'll be staying with 3 other people in a house, but fuck all that, I get my own goddamn room.
I've gone through several lifestyle changes in my soon-to-be 37 years on this planet. I was a preacher's kid, the head of a renegade frat on a Baptist college campus, a married man with the right house, right wife, right job, right cars and unhappy as hell, a barfly, a man who finally found true love, and a junkie. To be honest, I don't know how the fuck I'm still alive...but I am.
I'm beginning something new, and I can't help but be a little excited and scared about it. I don't know where I'm going to go from here, but I'm ready to move forward instead of treading water relying on another person or a program or whatever to help me. It's time I helped myself.

So that's what I'm going to do. Maybe by doing so I can start writing fucking jokes again.

One thing at a time, J F'n R.

You Can Get Through This

Back is against the wall. You always wait until the last possible moment, well it's here. What are you going to do?

Quit fighting yourself and just let go.

Let go.

"Just Let Go" from Rock Sexton on Vimeo.