I no longer live in Austin...I have moved into the Rabon Compound here in Seguin, Texas.
I could have found a way to stay until I found a job, but I felt I would've been "treading water" while still feeling a little "broken". I've come home to heal up, physically, emotionally and spiritually.
I'm helping my dad fortify his fence to keep his dogs from escaping (again). They act dumb, but I think they're Steve McQueen and Charles Bronson, dumping dirt out in the yard and digging a series of underground tunnels when we aren't looking.
I'm working out...seriously. I've got the time, might as well improve myself. Holy fuck am I out of shape.
More importantly, I'm rediscovering myself here...the "me" that I actually like.
I'm always online, so it's not like you assholes are going to miss me. I'm around.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Those Are People Who Died
Many bands have more than one key players...multiple dynamics that makes the group what they are. If you lose one, you still have a shot to AC/DC your way back into the hearts of music fans.
There are those bands, however, that cannot replace their lead. For example, you can't replace Jack White in, well, any of his bands. Here's a list I compiled over the past couple of hours when I should have been sleeping:
Sublime w/o Bradley Nowell - The drummer and bass player are recording new songs and making dates, and they first tried to just use "Sublime". Ugh. Really? Reading about these guys gave me the idea for this post, actually. They were actually sued by the Nowell estate when they tried to perform as Sublime saying, and I'm paraphrasing, "Hey, fuckos, Bradley was Sublime...is he making an appearance that we're not aware of? Then suck it." Rome Ramirez has joined them, so they've finally nailed down their name: Sublime with Rome. Wow...way to try to make it on your own merits. Terrible. F.
Blind Melon w/o Shannon Hoon - They're still together, trying to find a new lead singer. You know, I don't think I'd watch them if Hoon was still alive.
The Doors w/o Jim Morrison - In 2002 Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger tried to form a new version of The Doors called "The Doors of the 21st Century". Ex-drummer John Densmore sued them, basically saying, "Seriously? Knock it off." Densmore, much like Led Zeppelin's John Paul Jones, are all about preserving the past, "fuck the reunion tours".
Creedence Clearwater Revival w/o John Fogerty (and Tom Fogerty) - John Fogerty tours on his own...under his own name, singing the songs he wrote. You know...ALL OF THEM. "Creedence Clearwater Revisited" is a group featuring the fucking bass player and drummer. I wonder if CCR's old sound man and guitar tech formed a band too.
Morphine w/o Mark Sandman - Drummer and sax player created Orchestra Morphine, which is a group of friends and fellow musicians who play occasionally to celebrate the existing music and raise money for the Mark Sandman Music Education Fund. Let's just hope they leave it at that.
INXS w/o Michael Hutchence - Well, Andrew Farriss composed the music...and two of his brothers are in the band...sure, if you pick the right person, you could continue as INXS...I don't know if going the route of a fucking reality show was the way to go. I think I'll just listen to old albums and skip the new crap.
The Clash w/o Joe Strummer - Anyone remember Big Audio Dynamite II? Shite. It probably is the reason there's been no reunion attempt over the past 8 years.
Lynyrd Skynyrd w/o Ronnie Van Zant - They still play...I say "they"...Gary Rossington is the only original member in the band. I think the real band died in 1977. I'm not a huge fan of Skynyrd...can someone who really likes them confirm that "Freebird" in the 80's, 90's and 00's is a no go?
Queen w/o Freddie Mercury - They did a few reunion tours with Paul Rodgers, the lead singer of Bad Company. Hahahahahahaha...ahem. I suppose that's why we never heard anything about it the shows.
Nirvana w/o Kurt Cobain - never attempted. Dave Grohl proves that if you have the talent, you don't have to hang onto the past to promote yourself. You don't have to use the corpse of a dead friend as a launching pad.
There are those bands, however, that cannot replace their lead. For example, you can't replace Jack White in, well, any of his bands. Here's a list I compiled over the past couple of hours when I should have been sleeping:
Sublime w/o Bradley Nowell - The drummer and bass player are recording new songs and making dates, and they first tried to just use "Sublime". Ugh. Really? Reading about these guys gave me the idea for this post, actually. They were actually sued by the Nowell estate when they tried to perform as Sublime saying, and I'm paraphrasing, "Hey, fuckos, Bradley was Sublime...is he making an appearance that we're not aware of? Then suck it." Rome Ramirez has joined them, so they've finally nailed down their name: Sublime with Rome. Wow...way to try to make it on your own merits. Terrible. F.
Blind Melon w/o Shannon Hoon - They're still together, trying to find a new lead singer. You know, I don't think I'd watch them if Hoon was still alive.
The Doors w/o Jim Morrison - In 2002 Ray Manzarek and Robby Krieger tried to form a new version of The Doors called "The Doors of the 21st Century". Ex-drummer John Densmore sued them, basically saying, "Seriously? Knock it off." Densmore, much like Led Zeppelin's John Paul Jones, are all about preserving the past, "fuck the reunion tours".
Creedence Clearwater Revival w/o John Fogerty (and Tom Fogerty) - John Fogerty tours on his own...under his own name, singing the songs he wrote. You know...ALL OF THEM. "Creedence Clearwater Revisited" is a group featuring the fucking bass player and drummer. I wonder if CCR's old sound man and guitar tech formed a band too.
Morphine w/o Mark Sandman - Drummer and sax player created Orchestra Morphine, which is a group of friends and fellow musicians who play occasionally to celebrate the existing music and raise money for the Mark Sandman Music Education Fund. Let's just hope they leave it at that.
INXS w/o Michael Hutchence - Well, Andrew Farriss composed the music...and two of his brothers are in the band...sure, if you pick the right person, you could continue as INXS...I don't know if going the route of a fucking reality show was the way to go. I think I'll just listen to old albums and skip the new crap.
The Clash w/o Joe Strummer - Anyone remember Big Audio Dynamite II? Shite. It probably is the reason there's been no reunion attempt over the past 8 years.
Lynyrd Skynyrd w/o Ronnie Van Zant - They still play...I say "they"...Gary Rossington is the only original member in the band. I think the real band died in 1977. I'm not a huge fan of Skynyrd...can someone who really likes them confirm that "Freebird" in the 80's, 90's and 00's is a no go?
Queen w/o Freddie Mercury - They did a few reunion tours with Paul Rodgers, the lead singer of Bad Company. Hahahahahahaha...ahem. I suppose that's why we never heard anything about it the shows.
Nirvana w/o Kurt Cobain - never attempted. Dave Grohl proves that if you have the talent, you don't have to hang onto the past to promote yourself. You don't have to use the corpse of a dead friend as a launching pad.
Friday, December 10, 2010
Love Hurts
I was reminded today how little I enjoy weddings in my current state.
The obvious annoyances are the traditions that aren't necessary for the joining of a man and a woman, but they occur anyway. One of these is mini-sermon that is neatly thrown into the wedding ceremony centered around 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Love is patient, love is kind..." Yeah, yeah, yeah...we know. Love is awesome and shouldn't be taken lightly and it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Come on, padre, wrap this up so we can drink!
Then there's the toast...if it's organized with the best man and maid of honor giving prewritten toasts, it's bearable. But a lot of the times, it's just left open for any relative (or worse, friend of a relative) to pipe up with, "I just think you guys are great and, oh look at me, I'm tearing up..." Oh, man, come on, lady...
You have to be careful with leaving it open or everybody and their drunk aunt will throw in their two cents. "I'm the janitor here, and although I've only known the bride and groom for 20 minutes, I feel like I've known them all their lives. Cheers."
Then we get to watch the bride and groom dance awkwardly to a song that's not easy to dance to. It's usually a tune picked out because of lyrical content without a thought given to, "Will this make the couple look any whiter and rhythmless than they already are?" Let's follow that up with dancing with parents! Come on, everybody! Shift uncomfortably in your chairs and swig more wine if it's available.
(Oh, and hooray for free alcohol at a wedding. If you have a wedding with no booze or worse, booze you have to pay for at a cash bar, shame on you. You are the reason most of us own flasks.)
The biggest practical joke of the night is the tossing of the bouquet and garter. "Hey, single people! Let's call attention to the fact that you are alone! And hey, we're going to have you all fight over something the newly married couple will throw at you...like the rich giving their scraps to the poor."
If you can make it through all of this, and there's a fully stocked bar and competent DJ at your disposal, you can salvage the evening in the remaining 1-2 hours of the reception. Once cake is cut and eaten and the old people leave, you can get ripped and start freaking to hardcore shit on the dance floor. A lucky few may even hook up, especially if you've given bridesmaids their own rooms in the hotel where you're holding the reception.
I'm not a fan of weddings because I was engaged a year ago. Flaunting a happy couple beginning their life together in front of me is an unintentional slap in my fucking face. It's a nice little reminder of what could have been mine had I made few decisions differently in the past. You might as well drive by me at the bus stop in a 1968 Ford Mustang GT, shouting, "If you had saved all that money you spent on your DWI's, you could have bought this!"
Then you could get out of the car and slap me in the face with my own hand saying, "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"
Uh...forget that last part.
Here's what I do know: no amount of alcohol will make the pain of love lost go away. You might forget for a short time, but it'll come back to you the next morning paired up with a hangover. Plus, there will be something you did the night before you will regret once you remember it...or be shown it thanks to a buddy's camera phone.
Love does hurt sometimes...but you know, I like what Waylon Goddamn Jennings said: "I'd rather have love for just one hour than have the world and all it's gold." Sounds better than the Lord Tennyson line, "'Better to have loved and lost..."
Both are true. It doesn't make it any easier, though, does it?
The obvious annoyances are the traditions that aren't necessary for the joining of a man and a woman, but they occur anyway. One of these is mini-sermon that is neatly thrown into the wedding ceremony centered around 1 Corinthians 13:4-7. "Love is patient, love is kind..." Yeah, yeah, yeah...we know. Love is awesome and shouldn't be taken lightly and it's the greatest thing since sliced bread. Come on, padre, wrap this up so we can drink!
Then there's the toast...if it's organized with the best man and maid of honor giving prewritten toasts, it's bearable. But a lot of the times, it's just left open for any relative (or worse, friend of a relative) to pipe up with, "I just think you guys are great and, oh look at me, I'm tearing up..." Oh, man, come on, lady...
You have to be careful with leaving it open or everybody and their drunk aunt will throw in their two cents. "I'm the janitor here, and although I've only known the bride and groom for 20 minutes, I feel like I've known them all their lives. Cheers."
Then we get to watch the bride and groom dance awkwardly to a song that's not easy to dance to. It's usually a tune picked out because of lyrical content without a thought given to, "Will this make the couple look any whiter and rhythmless than they already are?" Let's follow that up with dancing with parents! Come on, everybody! Shift uncomfortably in your chairs and swig more wine if it's available.
(Oh, and hooray for free alcohol at a wedding. If you have a wedding with no booze or worse, booze you have to pay for at a cash bar, shame on you. You are the reason most of us own flasks.)
The biggest practical joke of the night is the tossing of the bouquet and garter. "Hey, single people! Let's call attention to the fact that you are alone! And hey, we're going to have you all fight over something the newly married couple will throw at you...like the rich giving their scraps to the poor."
If you can make it through all of this, and there's a fully stocked bar and competent DJ at your disposal, you can salvage the evening in the remaining 1-2 hours of the reception. Once cake is cut and eaten and the old people leave, you can get ripped and start freaking to hardcore shit on the dance floor. A lucky few may even hook up, especially if you've given bridesmaids their own rooms in the hotel where you're holding the reception.
I'm not a fan of weddings because I was engaged a year ago. Flaunting a happy couple beginning their life together in front of me is an unintentional slap in my fucking face. It's a nice little reminder of what could have been mine had I made few decisions differently in the past. You might as well drive by me at the bus stop in a 1968 Ford Mustang GT, shouting, "If you had saved all that money you spent on your DWI's, you could have bought this!"
Then you could get out of the car and slap me in the face with my own hand saying, "Why are you hitting yourself? Why are you hitting yourself?"
Uh...forget that last part.
Here's what I do know: no amount of alcohol will make the pain of love lost go away. You might forget for a short time, but it'll come back to you the next morning paired up with a hangover. Plus, there will be something you did the night before you will regret once you remember it...or be shown it thanks to a buddy's camera phone.
Love does hurt sometimes...but you know, I like what Waylon Goddamn Jennings said: "I'd rather have love for just one hour than have the world and all it's gold." Sounds better than the Lord Tennyson line, "'Better to have loved and lost..."
Both are true. It doesn't make it any easier, though, does it?
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Something Positive I Needed To Post
I tried to thank everyone who came out to my benefit show last week or who donated online. I wanted to let you know one more thing:
It was a rare blessing to get to see how much people actually care for me. I think truthfully I needed that even more than the money.
It was a rare blessing to get to see how much people actually care for me. I think truthfully I needed that even more than the money.
Wednesday, December 8, 2010
I Hope This Ruins Romantic Comedies For You
This is for my friends and others who choose to watch awful buckets of shit romantic comedies knowing quite well that they are assisting in the death of creativity's soul.
"Hey, it was free...I saw it online."
"I got it through Netflix."
You know what's free online? A video of Tom Sizemore having sex. Yeah, that's right. THAT guy.
Just because it's available doesn't me I'm gonna watch it.
"I needed something to watch with this chick on our first date."
Way to make that first impression be, "I have no judgment and secretly pleasure myself to Ashton Kutcher and Justin Long."
"Dude, Charlie Day/Zach Galafianakis has a small part in it."
Remember when you thought Jack Black was funny? He found himself appearing in horrible films/TV shows and thought he could scat his way through it. Insert "scat means poop!" joke here.
Some people are naturally hysterical, but man...it helps to have a Judd Apatow, Rob McElhenney/Glenn Howerton, Joel/Ethan Coen behind you providing "kitten mittens" or "shut the fuck up, Donnie".
Please quit trying to fill 90 minutes with awkward situations and misunderstandings...Obviously, someone finds this funny since they're releasing a 3rd Focker movie. "Meet the Holiday Paycheck" I think it's called.
Seriously, fuck you Ben Stiller. I know the plan is for everyone to despise you by the end of your movies at the same time generating sympathy from the movie-going sheep. No sympathy from me, asshole. All you have to do is get everybody together in a room and straight up ask "what's the deal", clear up the misunderstandings and go have fucking turkey. "Why even bother?" GAH, I hope she leaves you for somebody taller!
If you start demanding enough indie films that kick ass, it could possibly generate a small fad. Probably not, but it's worth checking out an unknown blond actress in something you've never heard of instead of watching Isla Fisher fall down again while fighting your natural gut feeling that this girl should not be getting as much work as she currently is.
Or you know what? Forget it. Enjoy "Along Came Polly".
(Seriously, go fuck yourself, Ben Stiller.)
"Hey, it was free...I saw it online."
"I got it through Netflix."
You know what's free online? A video of Tom Sizemore having sex. Yeah, that's right. THAT guy.
Just because it's available doesn't me I'm gonna watch it.
"I needed something to watch with this chick on our first date."
Way to make that first impression be, "I have no judgment and secretly pleasure myself to Ashton Kutcher and Justin Long."
"Dude, Charlie Day/Zach Galafianakis has a small part in it."
Remember when you thought Jack Black was funny? He found himself appearing in horrible films/TV shows and thought he could scat his way through it. Insert "scat means poop!" joke here.
Some people are naturally hysterical, but man...it helps to have a Judd Apatow, Rob McElhenney/Glenn Howerton, Joel/Ethan Coen behind you providing "kitten mittens" or "shut the fuck up, Donnie".
Please quit trying to fill 90 minutes with awkward situations and misunderstandings...Obviously, someone finds this funny since they're releasing a 3rd Focker movie. "Meet the Holiday Paycheck" I think it's called.
Seriously, fuck you Ben Stiller. I know the plan is for everyone to despise you by the end of your movies at the same time generating sympathy from the movie-going sheep. No sympathy from me, asshole. All you have to do is get everybody together in a room and straight up ask "what's the deal", clear up the misunderstandings and go have fucking turkey. "Why even bother?" GAH, I hope she leaves you for somebody taller!
If you start demanding enough indie films that kick ass, it could possibly generate a small fad. Probably not, but it's worth checking out an unknown blond actress in something you've never heard of instead of watching Isla Fisher fall down again while fighting your natural gut feeling that this girl should not be getting as much work as she currently is.
Or you know what? Forget it. Enjoy "Along Came Polly".
(Seriously, go fuck yourself, Ben Stiller.)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Thanks For Giving
The benefit went very well, by the way. Thanks to Carey Denise, Ramin Nazer and others, almost $1500 was raised to help me with rent and bills...but mainly rent while I try to get a job. You can still donate at http://www.comedygold.org/ if you would like to contribute to the mountain of debt I'm climbing.
Wait, that's not the right analogy. If you would like to sink the ship of transgressions...Fuck it. Wanna help my ass out? You still can: http://www.comedygold.org/
There.
Wait, that's not the right analogy. If you would like to sink the ship of transgressions...Fuck it. Wanna help my ass out? You still can: http://www.comedygold.org/
There.
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