9 Months

I have 3 more months of my 6 month aftercare program. For you normies, "aftercare" is basically a series of weekly classes for people who successfully complete an intensive drug/alcohol rehabilitation program. It is supposed to help you as you adjust to being back in the real world. One of the positive aspects of being in this program is you keep in touch and see the progress or lack of progress of some of the other guys you were in treatment with. It's almost like a reality show...every week another person is getting voted off the island. By "island" I mean the outside world. By "voted" I mean arrested for violating probation and relapsing.

They're dropping like flies. Out of 8 of my circle of friends, 3 have relapsed and are either back in custody or on the run. 1 is MIA.

A sober house is a revolving door of new residents as well. You have your core group of 3 or 4 guys who have been there awhile, but then you have a bunch of newcomers who arrive, last a week or two, and then they're gone.

I mention all of this to remind myself that what I am doing is not easy. And that there are lots of people in my situation that don't do what they are supposed to...or who just can't stay clean and sober (not ready to, at least). I have 9 months today...and I am taking this time to briefly pat myself on the back, and say, "Quit downplaying this accomplishment. Keep it up."

9 months may not sound like a long time, but it's the longest I've been sober since 1994.

I never thought the biggest challenge for me would be...well, ME. I do not get cravings to go drink or shoot up. I am not "jonesing" to get fucked up or head to the bar. Instead, I find myself dealing with everyday life shit with a clear head...which means all my thoughts, emotions and anxieties unfiltered. It can be overwhelming. Frustrating. It's not boring, I'll say that.

I really don't know where I'm headed...in general. No clue. I know where I've been, and I'm not going back there. All I know is I'm going in that direction...over there. I'll keep you posted.

Thanks for your support. I hope to be there for any of you if you need it.

Until that day, then.