You don't get an award for kicking booze and drugs on your own vs. with help. So why decline outside assistance?
I'll tell you why...because you think you know everything...or because you think you can handle it. When you think about it, it's pretty damn ridiculous to think you can deal with shit on your own, especially when you consistently suck at self-control.
I've never had a problem with "cravings" when it comes to addiction...I've always had a problem with giving a shit whether I'm sober or not. "What does it matter..."
You become very self-centered when you're a drunk or a junkie. You don't care about others or how you make them feel. When you clean up, all those emotions and thoughts regarding yourself and others come rushing back...and you feel like the asshole you've become.
Addiction. Hospitalization. Job loss. Love loss. Dead best friend. Worried and hurt family. Alienated friends. No direction. Broken spirit. Physical fatigue. OD. Loneliness. Nervous breakdown.
Go ahead, John. Handle it all on your own.
Not anymore. I'm going to get help. Treatment. I leave Monday...and I'll be back in May. Time to pull out of the nose dive. Time to take a step back from the edge.
Time for hope.
I'll see ya.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Written Fifteen Years Too Late
And I said, "What about Breakfast at Tiffany's?"
She said, "I think I remember the film.
"And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."
Then she said, "I'm not staying with you because we both like the same movie. Seriously, Barry, you're a compulsive gambler, a drunk and you cheated on me 4 times. Don't you think it's sad you had to go back to a 50-year old movie to find some common ground? Eat shit."
(guitar solo)
She said, "I think I remember the film.
"And as I recall, I think we both kinda liked it."
And I said, "Well, that's the one thing we've got."
Then she said, "I'm not staying with you because we both like the same movie. Seriously, Barry, you're a compulsive gambler, a drunk and you cheated on me 4 times. Don't you think it's sad you had to go back to a 50-year old movie to find some common ground? Eat shit."
(guitar solo)
Friday, January 21, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
That's My Level, Apparently
In half-price bookstore: I have the longest conversation I've had with a stranger in Seguin...with a 10-year old girl. We are both looking for origami stuff. "I made a rose the other day," she says.
Me: "That's a difficult one."
Her: "You'll get there one day."
Me: "..."
Her: "Nice board. Where did you get those wheels?"
Me: "A shop in Austin...a friend works there."
Her: "I need to get my mom to take me there and fix up mine."
Me: "Well, nice being pwned in public. See ya."
I figured I better leave before I find out she knows more about the bands I like than I do.
Me: "That's a difficult one."
Her: "You'll get there one day."
Me: "..."
Her: "Nice board. Where did you get those wheels?"
Me: "A shop in Austin...a friend works there."
Her: "I need to get my mom to take me there and fix up mine."
Me: "Well, nice being pwned in public. See ya."
I figured I better leave before I find out she knows more about the bands I like than I do.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Arm Update
The wound has sealed...I no longer need to wear a bandage...well, unless I'm doing some serious labor, then I might want to protect it. Check it:
Now THAT is a scar, kids...and a serious reminder of the negative aspects of self-destruction.
If anybody who doesn't know me well asks me where I got it, I'm just going to say, "Mexico."
(Heh...unintentional display of The Tao of Pooh that I'm currently revisiting.)
Now THAT is a scar, kids...and a serious reminder of the negative aspects of self-destruction.
If anybody who doesn't know me well asks me where I got it, I'm just going to say, "Mexico."
(Heh...unintentional display of The Tao of Pooh that I'm currently revisiting.)
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Dear Google User Who Found Me With "bang buddy in seguin tx. women"
Dear Google User Who Found Me With "bang buddy in seguin tx. women":
Sorry.
Not your bang buddy,
John
Sorry.
Not your bang buddy,
John
RabonGrad Report: 01/06/11
RabonGrad Daily Report
by Sgt. J.F'n.R.
Due to the recent breakout attempts, the compound walls have been rebuilt and fortified. Even though the new additions to the camp should hold, I am recommending additional supervision of certain personnel in captivity. Prisoner # 8321882 (aka "Boomer")
should be considered the leader of the prison breaks. Prisoner # 2284458 (aka "Molly") 
has long been considered just a follower in the Resistance...one who does not cause trouble unless influenced by another captive. However, it has been reported by trustee # 2288819 (aka "Tom the Cat") that "Molly" has begun to do their own digging.
It is my personal recommendation that both subjects should be constantly supervised and considered dangerous to the current regime. Movement and privileges should be restricted until further notice.
by Sgt. J.F'n.R.
Due to the recent breakout attempts, the compound walls have been rebuilt and fortified. Even though the new additions to the camp should hold, I am recommending additional supervision of certain personnel in captivity. Prisoner # 8321882 (aka "Boomer")
should be considered the leader of the prison breaks. Prisoner # 2284458 (aka "Molly") 
has long been considered just a follower in the Resistance...one who does not cause trouble unless influenced by another captive. However, it has been reported by trustee # 2288819 (aka "Tom the Cat") that "Molly" has begun to do their own digging.
It is my personal recommendation that both subjects should be constantly supervised and considered dangerous to the current regime. Movement and privileges should be restricted until further notice.
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